Please Stay

I could sit here and write so many paragraphs about how much I want you back and what you mean to me. All the promises you made me that never happened and what that felt like. I could tell you over and over that I love you but know that you don’t want to hear it. I could write down things you have said over the past year that have made me fall over and over for you and things that made me believe you felt the same way. I could write down things and convince myself and others that you felt these things for me and no one else, unknowing that there was someone else.

I wrote this and was planning on sending it to you but I’m sick of feeling clingy and knowing you don’t really want to know and that i’m not going to get a reply:

So I don’t exactly know why you wont reply but it’d be nice if you did.

It seems as though after I see you we stop talking because i’m the only one that bothers to text first and you most of the time don’t reply or are “too busy”, but when you text me at your own convenience it’s like I have to reply.

It’s not a one way street and this friendship, if that even is what it is any more, is all in your hands because I know I have put more than my fair share into it. I do what you ask of me and really all I ask for in return is that I get to hear from you but I don’t even get that any more. I have always been the one giving you things and not getting anything back. I made you things because I thought you’d like them and didn’t get much appreciation from you for them other than a small “cute”.

Yes, I understand you have a new girlfriend whom i’m sure you “love” and she makes you happy, but when you ask me to design your tattoo that you have been wanting for so long and I come 2 hours up away from home for the whole day to watch it be put on your chest forever and think it might mean something and you tell me that you’re glad we got to spend time together, what the fuck am I supposed to think? And then I find out you have a girlfriend when you’re on the phone right next to me, there’s a very good reason why i’m not going to be smiling.

I know you already know all this shit and you probably think that not talking to me might make me go away, yeah it might eventually hey but I thought things were different, things have always been different between us.

I wonder if you remember as much as I do from the past year.

I’m pathetic, I get that. And i’m losing faith in everything.

There is so much more I want to say, but what’s the point hey.

I don’t even know why I even bothered in the first place, but i’m pretty sick of this.

Being lead on then left in the cold.