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Where are my friends?
I need you.

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So I’m having a pretty awful night after a pretty shitty day of feeling down. 
I’d like to do a bit of a rant and let some stuff out because I never do and I’m having some trouble sleeping at the moment.

As some of you would know, I suffer from anxiety and from that I have some depression issues. I got this tattoo of Marilyn Monroe, the most beautiful Hollywood icon whom I believe was misunderstood and treated poorly. In my tattoo I got her face half a skull - so many people don’t understand this and think it’s just a zombie version blah blah blah. Truth is, I got the skull to represent “even the most beautiful smile has an ugly side” and it’s the truth. I get so many compliments and it makes me feel so happy with myself but no one sees underneath. 
I feel misunderstood, I feel under appreciated by so many people I look for comfort in. I can’t tell you what it feels like to be in a room full of people and have the worst feeling if loneliness, because unless you’ve felt it, you would have no idea how painful it is.
I don’t feel like I have anyone that has actually taken the time to really find out who I am, because I guess in the end everyone finds a reason to leave. 
I feel a lot of the time as if I’m someone that brings people together and then pushed to the side because my job is done. 
I know I have so many people that tell me they are there for me, but I feel as if I’m wasting their time and they just don’t want to hear it, or they say something that they or someone else had told me and it’s pretty much to just get over whatever it is I’m feeling because I’m being irrational or thinking stupidly. 
I feel as if I’m losing so many of my friends and have no idea what I have done, I feel like they just don’t have the time of day for me anymore and that there are far more important things or as if my opinion just doesn’t matter. 
I’m sorry, but I am so done with people that don’t want to be part of my life and that don’t want to help me as much as I try help them. 
I know I have a big heart and I let a lot of people in, but it’s time to make room for people worth a spot. 
Rant over.
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So I can’t sleep and there is so much going through my head that I just need to spill a little or I might go crazy!

I just feel as if no one actually gives a shit about me. That I make some peoples lives easier and some wish that id just get the hell out already so they just deal with me. I don’t feel appreciated and I never really have. I always feel as though I’m the middle person bringing everyone together and then I’m pushed away.

I keep thinking back to my birthday and the fact that no one really made an effort for me except my family. It hurts me so much inside because I feel like I’m almost bending over backwards for people that really don’t care so much about me.

I feel so alone and out of it. I hate being the one to initiate a conversation or whatever needs to be done.

Seriously just want to get the hell out and see how many people give a shit then.

Rant over.

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we-are-all-secretly-dead:

Click here✌
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